The Diary of Kowalski
by Esperata
Summary: This is a 3 way diary shared with Porsche101 and Inugomegirl each playing different characters, follow the adventures from different points of view, and read the other Diary books by those authors. Crazy things are bound to happen.
1. Explanatory

This Book was made as a diary between Porsche101, Inugomegirl, and I. we each picked a character from Penguins of Madagascar and made a diary for each of them. The books are linked by the events in happening. Each diary is the same, only told from a different characters point of view.

The Idea of THIS book is to capture the diary of Kowalski, which is the part I will be playing. Inugomegirl and Porsche101 will be playing different main character, none of the lesser characters are used they may be mentioned but not used.

The first chapters of the others books will be the same as this, an explanatory to give reason for having this 3 book collection all by different authors, also to explain which Character that author will be portraying.

We hope that each of us can mimic the characters we are playing as well as we need too. We hope we enjoy our diary/ books. I would also like to explain that no one would get more than one chapter ahead of the other, so that way everyone can follow along with the other stories.

In addition, more chapters that are REAL will be up as soon as the other two stories by Porsche101 and Inugomegirl post their Explanatory chapter, much like this one. I hope everyone enjoys what is to come, and I hope I addressed the situation well; I hope people understand what is going on.

Leave a comment if you have questions of if have a good idea for a diary entry that the other writers will be able to use. I hope you enjoy this 3-way book, read review and enjoy the books from all 3 of the authors.

Inugomegirl and Porsche101


	2. Entry 1

Skipper's ordered us to conduct recon on the new exhibit. He's opted to remain behind and formulate plans so I'm in charge of the team. I'm determined to live up to his expectations. Though I'm not entirely sure what those are.

Rico's skills as a lock pick are invaluable. We've infiltrated the keeper's base and uncovered their plans for the transfer. I've been working on my code skills so I can decipher some of the information they've clearly been trying to conceal with this clever inscription. The numbers and times are easy to decode. It confirms the new arrival won't get here until 2000. We'll take all this back to base to decrypt the rest.

Skipper was pleased with my report and has a plan ready to investigate the new inhabitant. I've been passing the time running calculations on the otter being a spy for Dr. Blowhole. Given her previous location was North Carolina, it is possible she's encountered Skipper's dolphin nemesis. However since she's been raised in a zoo… or aquarium… it diminishes the chances she's a spy. Logically a spy would either be transferred often or at least be in a strategic position. This otter's neither. We'll keep our guard up of course but chances are 50/50 she's safe.

Our first meeting went well. At least Skipper didn't over react and start interrogating her like he does whenever they add a new dolphin to the zoo. But he had ordered me to study her and provide a detailed analysis. She seems nice. Private was keen as usual to make a new friend and I tried to follow his example. He's much more relaxed about these things than I am… but actually Marlene (the new otter) was genuinely welcoming and it was surprisingly easy to talk to her. Even Rico was swayed.

When I mentioned this to Skipper later though he took it as a clear sign she was trying to discover our secrets. I sometimes think he's a little over cautious but he _is_ the leader. I know he feels keenly that the safety of the team depends on him. He decided to make a surprise visit to her habitat, to try and catch her out, through one of the secret entrances we located on the blueprints. I'm not sure whether he was relieved or disappointed to find she wasn't doing anything.

I led Rico and Private over without Skipper the next day. Without Skipper to restrain him, Private chatted about everything… everything Skipper had declared classified. I considered stopping the boy but really, the chances of her using the information against us seemed minimal.

Skipper seems alternatively paranoid about giving the otter a chance to study him and then keen to have an opportunity to study her himself. I'm not sure if he still believes she could be a spy. I've calculated the chances at 12% now… though she does ask a lot of questions about Skipper when he's not there… but I'm assuming that's curiosity due to his absence.


	3. Entry 2

Skipper paid a call on Marlene without telling us today, and when he came back there was an unusual bounce to his step and a smirk on his face. Then later, Marlene turned up to watch us train. And Skipper let her! He never even let his wife watch us. Plus there was a noticeable increase in his determination. Even young Private noticed. Though Private is of course surprisingly observant sometimes.

That's why I decided to take him rather than Rico to visit. Well that plus the fact that Marlene always seems to feel she has to talk twice as much to compensate for Rico. She hasn't yet worked out how to decipher him.

She appeared to be writing when we arrived but she hid it at once. I thought at first that she wanted to hide the code she was using but her blush indicated it was more likely something personal. Naturally she denied it was anything important and quickly added that in California people didn't burst in.

I confess my face must have fallen because she at once thought she'd upset me. I explained I'd mistakenly read she was from Northern Carolina. It was a little awkward but she then offered to help me with reading if I wanted. She really if an otter of many talents and surprisingly open with her skills. I'll be much more useful to the team if I can crack the older code.

Things were much more relaxed after that and Private started chatting about how she liked the place so far. She soon started talking about our training earlier. Then she added how amazed she was at Skipper's flexibility… and a definite blush coloured her cheeks. I'm now very nearly 100% certain she has a crush on him.

She got rather flustered so we took our leave to spare her any further embarrassment. When we got back Skipper intercepted us at once to ask what had happened and whether she'd mentioned him. It seems the feelings are reciprocated but I didn't think it'd be wise for Private to reveal that just yet. I simply told him the information was classified and then buried my beak in my notebook. I confess it gave me a great sense of satisfaction to throw Skipper's line back at him.

But I have been rather worried about Skipper since Lola broke his heart. I doubt even he realised just how obviously affected he was. Before she came into his life he was always an inveterate charmer… the life of any party… but I suppose it's true, once bitten, twice shy. Marlene might be just the one to cure him though. As long as she doesn't move too fast. Skipper's bound to be hesitant of getting hurt again.

Though I've got an idea. If I can utilise my 'lessons' with Marlene to arrange events more favourably, it might all work out. Just so long as Skipper doesn't realise I'm interfering, or he'll court martial me.


	4. Entry 3

It's been an odd day. First off I was rudely awoken by Private who was speaking so fast I couldn't immediately understand what he was getting at. It wasn't until Rico interrupted and firmly pointed at Skipper's bunk I understood what the panic was about. Seems Skipper skipped duty this morning. If I'd had a chance to think I'd have thought it was odd Private was the one shaking me awake instead of Skipper.

It wasn't hard to follow his trail. I know each of their scents so well I could probably follow them blind folded… which is a theory I should follow up some time. But it was clear from the tunnel he'd taken who he'd gone to visit. Private was just questioning why he'd be visiting Marlene so early when he reappeared.

Seems Skipper wasn't the only one setting out early today. Marlene decided to visit our kingly neighbour. And Skipper didn't like that one bit. We got there just as Marlene was rolling her eyes and saying she'd just been wishing she had someone she could get on her knees and worship. It seemed incredibly obvious to me she was being sarcastic. Rico clearly realised because I distinctly heard him snigger. Skipper however completely over reacted.

I'm aware that he has a hard time getting on with Julien at the best of times but today was the worst fight I've seen them have in a long time. Eventually we had to physically pull him away. While Rico was firmly directing him back to our habitat, I took the time to explain the lemurs to Marlene. Private naturally chipped in and begun telling her all about how we first met them.

I confess my mind drifted off a bit during the familiar story. Skipper's reaction highlighted just how deeply he's fallen for Marlene. He clearly wanted to protect her during our run in with the lemurs. I don't know her so well but it seems logical to assume she likes Skipper too. All the signs seem to point that way. Which means everything should work out, right? What could possibly go wrong?

I tuned back in when I heard Skipper interrupt saying the information was classified. I wasn't immediately aware of what Private had been saying that might have breached security but then it hit me. Private was about to mention Lola. Skipper's ex. And still a definite sore point.

I should have realised this sooner. Skipper opened his heart to that girl and she broke it. He won't be so willing to show his feelings again. Which leaves a few options.

a. He won't tell her and she won't ever realise he likes her.

b. He'll overcome his fear and tell her in which case she'll either respond in kind (an ideal scenario) or break his heart like Lola did.

c. She'll tell him and he'll happily reply the same.

Unfortunately option one is the most likely. Option two would require a lot of assistance and possibly some interference. Currently I don't have sufficient information to calculate the likelihood of option three. Tomorrow I'll have to see if I can study Marlene more closely. Luckily she's said I can go over whenever I like to learn older code so I'll use that excuse to call on her.


	5. Entry 4

Marlene was surprised, and possibly even disappointed, when I popped in this morning. I'm now keeping a tally of her reactions so I can determine more accurately how she might react to any advances on Skipper's part. 'Disappointment on seeing anyone else' – 1.

She's dug out some bits of paper for me to work on deciphering but first she's run through what sound each shape corresponds to. It's a fiendishly difficult code since the sounds can be altered depending on their configuration. I was so engrossed with studying this that I almost forgot to watch Marlene as well.

When I looked up to query a symbol she was staring across to our habitat. 'Idly staring at Skipper' – 1. He knows I'm over here working on this code but I'm hoping he never realises what else I'm studying. Option 3 is beginning to seem more and more likely. But judging from the way she's been staring at him ('Pupils dilating and breath rapidity increasing' – 1) I'm worried she may move too fast for him.

I was hoping to simply encourage Skipper in discovering his feelings but I may need to act now on Marlene to prevent her from spoiling her chances. Drawing her attention back to my working, I turn the conversation back to our travels and how useful this information would have been.

Marlene seems interested in our travels ('Quizzing the team about Skipper' – 1) and it's the perfect opportunity to make her pause in making a move on Skipper. This is much more Private's area of expertise, casually leaking information, but I try to sound as casual as I can while mentioning Skipper's wife.

For a moment I'm worried she's not actually listening to me since there's apparently no reaction. But when I turn back to look at her it's clear the information hit her harder than I'd thought.

"He's married?" I confess I hesitate before offering a reply to that. After all, I don't want to derail her _completely_. Just slow her down from express to freight.

"They're divorced now but," I shrug, unsure how to phrase it.

"Do you think he still loves her?" ('Quizzing the team about Skipper' – 2)

"I don't know. Skipper keeps his feelings pretty well hidden." She nods and falls silent. It's clear she wants to be alone so I gather my things and head home.

I feel slightly guilty about telling Marlene that. Not only 'cause Skipper wouldn't have wanted me to, but also because of the look in her eyes. But in a sense she had to find out about Lola _sometime_. And it'll give Skipper more time to come to terms with his developing feelings. In the long run I'm sure it was the best thing to do.

Still I can't find much enthusiasm for the afternoon's routine and when Skipper heads over to see her later I find myself again struck by a sense of guilt. Surely it was the right thing to do? My calculations showed that Skipper would most likely require an interval of 3-5 weeks to properly develop feelings for Marlene… this interference should have bought a hesitation of approximately 2-4 weeks. The maths shows this should have helped… but I'm going to wait up for Skipper to make doubly sure.


	6. Entry 5

I was having a strange dream. Marlene had begged Skipper to play out the nursery rhyme "ten in a bed". So with usual military precision he'd lined up the ten of us… him and her, Rico and Private, Julien, Maurice and Mort, Phil, Mason and myself… and was instructing us all to roll over on his mark. I'd just been rolled out when the scream woke me up.

Naturally I jumped into position before my mind had actually woken up so the first thing I really heard on waking was Skipper announcing a 'code red'. Obviously he was concerned about the noise but I didn't have time to figure out what was going on before he was leading us all out of the HQ. I only figured out _why_ he was so concerned when I realised where we were heading.

If I'd had any doubts about how concerned he was they were dispelled when he asked me for an analysis. He only gets so regimental when he's emotionally involved in a mission. I complied with the rather pointless refresher purely to help Skipper focus.

I took the opportunity to take some notes while Skipper asked Private for his opinion. Another sign that he's rattled. Ordinarily he'll make an immediate decision on what the problem is… and even if it's the wrong one he'll stick by it unless we can prove it otherwise. Generally it involves a scheme of Dr. Blowhole's.

I was only half listening to their discussion but I was surprised to hear Marlene declare it _was_ only a fright. Interesting. She sounded like all she wanted was for us to go away and leave her alone. Yet previously she'd been happy to see us, and particularly Skipper. I fear I may have made a mistake in telling her Skipper's secret.

Then he went and called her a 'helpless victim' and she got unusually angry. Perhaps she's upset because I led her to believe he still has feelings for Lola. That might explain why she resents being a damsel in distress for someone who she doesn't believe might have feelings for her. I was curious to continue this line of reasoning but typically Julien interrupted.

Naturally his presence will throw off any interactions between Marlene and Skipper, so any observations I make now will have to take that into account. Still her reactions show she's definitely put out by our presence. She's clearly not thinking rationally since we're the only ones in this zoo qualified to deal with a situation like this.

Skipper naturally has fallen back on his training to help him deal with Marlene. He assigned us routine exercises and I had to abandon my clipboard for my sonic equipment that Rico regurgitated for me. Rico can be incredibly useful… of course he can also be something of a hindrance. Scanning for weird noises with him in the room is like looking for grass in a field.

Marlene then suggested that the sound was ghostly which prompted the tiny lemur to think it _was_ a ghost. I had to wonder if Marlene was simply trying to imply it was out of our league. Naturally I don't believe in such things but I wasn't about to let Marlene shift the mission out of our flippers. I checked my notes and found the previous occupant _had_ disappeared… in mysterious circumstances. Marlene told us he'd been… transferred. And we all know what _that_ means.

Julien then declared he could make the spirits go away. Possibly this is connected to his knowledge of the Sky Spirits. I was curious to see if his solution would be a similar ritual to the one he suggested in Africa. Thankfully it wasn't. Turns out he only intended to dance. Big surprise there. Knowing him he could be all night so we left.

Back in the HQ, Skipper decided we should stay on alert and he took the first watch while we went back to bed. I suspect he wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway. But as it was, none of us slept for long until we were woken again.

This time I was prepared and had my equipment ready as soon as we landed in Marlene's habitat. The readings were off the chart! When I told him Skipper suggested I get bigger charts. One day I'll have to explain. Marlene interrupted though to ask if we _ever_ knocked. She doesn't appreciate speed is often of the essence in our missions. She also hadn't changed her mind about our helping her and she tried to physically drag me and Private out.

Before we could slip out of her grasp, Julien reappeared. Naturally he and Skipper started arguing. Skipper does get unusually possessive when Marlene's involved. The fight ended when Skipper thought to call on Rico though. There's nothing like a stick of dynamite to convince someone it's time to leave.

Skipper had just suggested we leave too when I stopped him. It's clear to me now I shouldn't have interfered before and I have to do what I can to put things right. And right now that means getting them happy to stay in the same room. And despite her angry reaction, I'm sure Marlene's just plain scared and would really like our help. That hypothesis was confirmed when she agreed to us staying over with nothing more than a roll of her eyes. Skipper of course agreed readily to stay and watch over Marlene. And again he took the first watch. He hasn't slept in hours but we could hardly argue with him.

For the third time that night I went to sleep only to be woken by a hideous noise… though it was oddly familiar… and didn't disturb Marlene this time. Skipper had to wake her. Her face when she saw it was him was very telling. However he left it to me to explain to her what had happened.

"It appears that the ghostly death rattle is coming from your own respiratory system." Rico nodded his agreement while Private seemed impressed, though I'm not sure why. Surely it was obvious?

Marlene didn't understand. She must have been foggy from sleep. Rico did an uncanny re-enactment for her… though he did cuten the noise a bit. No need for Marlene to be told she sounds like a chainsaw. She wasn't having it though so Skipper played back the actual noise for her. A bit harsh perhaps but undeniable.

Skipper was happy the case was solved but Marlene insisted it wasn't. I was afraid they'd start arguing when a real deathly moan echoed through the habitat. Temporarily forgetting trying to get Skipper and Marlene to forgive and forget, I got out my equipment and began tracing the sound. Rico followed me as I tracked it to a rug. I'd never heard of a haunted rug but then Rico pulled it away to reveal the sewer.

Skipper tried to raise the manhole cover but it didn't budge. And suddenly I realised why Marlene was asking me about adhesives the other day. Naturally it was no real problem. Rico never has any trouble gaining access anywhere… as long as you don't mind a little collateral damage. The force was strangely amplified by the confines of the sewer and the manhole cover blasted into the roof. I'd just begun to calculate the forces required for that while Skipper and Marlene rushed forward to investigate and I'd just reached the horrifying conclusion too late.

I wasn't quick enough to warn them the force was insufficient to keep the cover up. It fell back onto them and they were lost from sight. Poor Private was concerned but Rico quickly laughed it off. Skipper's tough. And he'll take care of Marlene.

But it meant _I_ was left in charge. What would Skipper do? Well, he'd ask me for options. So, I came up with options. I was relieved that the others seemed willing to listen.

First we needed to find a safer route in. Sure Rico could blast it again but without sufficient calculations what would stop us from being trapped as Skipper and Marlene had been? Our priority was to get them out… not to get trapped with them. Rico and I led the way and tried following our noses. It's not hard to smell the sewer. It leads out of a tunnel on the far side of the habitat.

Then it was simply a case of trying to find them before the ghost could… and working out how _exactly_ one stops a ghost. Luckily they were making enough noise to lead us right to them. It sounded ghastly and I was worried we might arrive too late. Then we saw a huge alligator. Whether it was the monster or not, it was between us and Skipper.

Rico coughed up some rope and we went into action, just as Skipper taught us to do. Rico took on the head, I took out it's legs, and Private took care of the tail. Skipper told us we were tardy but there was a definite tone in his voice that showed he was proud of us none-the-less. Even better, I noticed he and Marlene shared a particular look.

Back in her habitat we left them alone while we talked to Roger (the 'gator). It really was fascinating hearing about his experiences… however I noticed Skipper and Marlene were unusually quiet. So I took an opportunity to sneak over and give him a prompt. After all, he'd just saved her life. On Private's TV programmes that's always when the girl falls into the guy's arms.

"Lucky break you went down there to rescue Marlene, isn't it Skipper?"

"Actually Kowalski, I didn't so much rescue Marlene as… well let's just say the next time I find myself caught in the swirling currents of raw sewage I hope that Marlene is at my side."

I was amazed. He's clearly fallen for her more completely than I could ever have anticipated. I waited for her to realise but she didn't seem to get it. She thought it was sweet but seemed to forget this is _Skipper._ And he'd basically just told her he'd trust her with his life. Could he make it any more obvious he loves her?


	7. Entry 6

Despite whatever happened between Skipper and Marlene in the sewer, life continues as normal. Though I watch them more closely and I'm sure I've noticed more signs of interest between the pair. But he certainly didn't ease up on our training.

As well as our usual games of 'Capture the Flag', he invented a new game called 'Ninja Warriors'. The aim was to take down nine warriors as fast as possible. The first time we got to play we all managed to take down two each but Skipper noticed that left one over. I wonder if he'd made a mistake in his math (he never asked me to calculate the numbers for him) or whether it was deliberate to catch us off guard. Luckily Rico didn't hesitate to take on the final ninja and took him out with ease. Skipper was evidently pleased and was just congratulating Rico when Marlene came over.

She clearly startled him 'cause he leapt as though another ninja had attacked. I think he was embarrassed though since he _almost_ apologised. I don't think Marlene realised though because she sounded sarcastic when she replied. I'm sure their problem is a general lack of understanding.

This line of thought was interrupted by Skipper suddenly assigning tasks and I heard,

"Kowalski, options…" before he hesitated. "Hold on, wait. Woah, woah, woah. What is this Funday?" I handed him the leaflet the people had produced.

"Few humans visit on Monday, thus our zoo over-lords renamed Monday, Funday." He and Rico turned it round trying to make sense of it before Skipper gave up and screwed it up. I was a little annoyed since I'd been using it to work on my code skills.

"I'm not a mind reader," he complained. I was very tempted to point out the huge neon sign behind our habitat but I decided it was best not to provoke him.

Besides, Marlene was doing a good enough job of that, accusing Skipper of not being Funday material. He claimed he could handle anything, especially fun and turned to us for support. We all looked away and mumbled our agreements. It wasn't terribly convincing but then I'm not sure any of us are terribly convinced. He _can_ be fun… but usually not.

It might all have still blown over if Marlene hadn't chosen to compare Skipper with Julien. What was she thinking? Naturally, Skipper couldn't let _that_ slide. Without so much as a 'stand by', he joined Julien on his bouncy. Instinctively I took out my notebook to calculate the forces required in Skipper's new competition. However I failed to realise the precise nature of the competition. He wasn't intending out doing Julien, so much as showing off for Marlene. Which meant style rather than force.

It also meant he wasn't thinking sensibly because he decided to execute the 'corkscrew'. There was no way we could warn him in time and he landed beak first in the bouncy. It was embarrassing to see him stuck and unable to free himself. Though actually no-one laughed, not even Julien, so he'd probably have got away with it if when he freed himself the escaping air hadn't blown Julien's crown off.

It flew far too high over our heads, making us wish (not for the first time) that we weren't flightless, and landed outside the zoo. Skipper, Marlene, and Julien clambered up the wall to see where it had gone. For a moment we hoped it was within reach but then Julien began to scream. Evidently not.

The rest of Funday passed quietly enough. I say quietly only because we all had earmuffs on. Julien did _not_ stop screaming. I distracted myself with spelling on our 'speak&spell', quite possibly the best thing Rico's ever scrounged for me. Rico was sitting with his doll, and Skipper and Marlene were playing chess. Poor Private seemed most distraught since he couldn't watch TV. In fact I was so engrossed I didn't notice Maurice until he was leaving. But it didn't take a genius to figure out why he'd come, especially as he slammed our door shut.

We huddled and it seemed natural for Marlene to join us. She obviously felt comfortable as she had no hesitation in suggesting a plan. Basically she'd calm Julien while we retrieved the crown. Sensible. We were about to depart, a rapid response time being of the highest importance, but Skipper stopped Rico and commanded walkie talkies. I was surprised to see him offer one to Marlene. He was really treating her like one of the team. Unfortunately, there wasn't time to dwell on this as we headed towards the sewer.

We could reach it from the abandoned tunnel we dug on our last escape from the zoo, but since the crown disappeared down the manhole in the street, it was only sensible to follow it that way. I was surprised to hear the walkie talkie crackle to life on our descent. Seems calming Julien wasn't as easy as Marlene hoped. But I'm sure her call gave Skipper an added determination.

It was dark in the sewer but thankfully Rico had come prepared. Though when he coughed up the flash light it was unusually sticky. Skipper gave it to Private to hold. I wonder if Rico's feeling unwell? I'll have to check later. My attention was caught by a large printed sign. After a few seconds I was proud to be able to decipher it –

'DANGER AHEAD'

Naturally this didn't scare Skipper, but unnaturally he asked us to stay behind. I wondered briefly if he too was feeling unwell. Private was scared at being left, even with Rico and me, but Skipper explained and it suddenly made sense. He feels this was his fault and he doesn't want to endanger us. When will he learn that we're a team? He may be our commanding officer but that doesn't mean he isn't our friend as well. Did he really think we'd let him go on alone?

Of course, we followed him and reminded him of the penguin credo, 'Never Swim Alone.' I also told him straight,

"We're in this together." Unfortunately that turned out to be a steel cage trap.

For a moment I confess I was afraid, but then some sewer rats appeared. Unpleasant, but not particularly threatening. Private even thought they were cute and Rico was simply amused by them. We recovered our dignity and asked for the crown. They clearly have it. I expected them to want a payment for it but they're obviously a barbaric species since they declared we had to 'beat the king, get the crown'.

In fact this should have made it easier. Skipper's taken down an angry walrus before now. How difficult would a rat be? However their king wasn't quite what we expected. I'm sure he was as big as any walrus. Poor Private was clearly stunned.

"You're toast," he exclaimed. It was what we were all thinking… well maybe not Skipper… and OK, perhaps not Rico… actually maybe just me and Private were thinking that, but I'd never have said it out loud. Still, Private impressed me with his explanation.

"I mean crusty on the outside, soft and warm on the inside and good in a jam." Actually a pretty good description of Skipper. However, I was already busy trying to plan a strategy for taking down this rat. He's clearly brawn rather than brain so Skipper should easily be able to out think him. I was just about to plot a tactic when the walkie talkie buzzed. Skipper had handed it to me while he limbered up. I was going to ignore it since we were busy but Skipper barked for me to answer it since 'Marlene might need our help'. Only Skipper would consider some _else_ needing help when facing a giant sewer rat.

In fact she was simply anxious. I reassured her the crown was found but that obviously alerted her to the fact that Skipper wasn't the one who answered. I had to explain he was facing a mutated sewer rat but I quickly hung up. She was fine. Skipper needed my analysis. But I only had time to hypothesis it was a former lab rat, which I had to admit wasn't terribly helpful, though I did remember the older code for 'rat'.

It didn't look good for Skipper. The Rat King had incredible size, strength and aim but we weren't really worried 'til he demanded no help from the flock. Rico had already begun to prepare his assault, after all we _are_ a team, but Skipper clearly feels he has to do this alone. I supposed it was simply his own sense of responsibility again until it struck me perhaps he was still hoping to impress Marlene.

If she saw him, I'm sure she'd have been awed. The succession of flying kicks and punches was inspiring. But then the Rat King caught him and the tables turned. It was painful to watch, even for Rico. In fact he rushed in to alert Skipper to a sneak attack but it was too late. Skipper was being pummelled. Though I don't think any of us ever actually doubted he'd triumph. We wouldn't stand by and watch him hurt if we really thought he needed our help. Still I was prompted to say,

"This is the worst Funday ever." Unwittingly that gave Skipper the idea he needed. The corkscrew! It truly is a devastating move. No-one gets up once hit with that and the Rat King was no exception.

While the sewer rats dragged off their fallen monarch, Rico bound Skipper's bruised head. In fact he was going to bind his chest too but Skipper insisted we head back. He tried to walk but he was clearly in pain. There was a long moment while he swayed unsteadily but then he called us over,

"Rico? Kowalski? Could you give me a hand?" It looks like he might have finally understood what being a team really means.

It took us longer to get back but we returned in time to hear Marlene muttering,

"If I could just say the magic words and make the crown appear, I would." Skipper perked up noticeably on hearing her voice and looked almost happy,

"The magic word's Funday!" He slumped again as Julien snatched the crown away. I watched Marlene's reaction. She seemed stunned to see Skipper so beaten. Then we were all shocked to hear Julien ask for a spare crown. Marlene spoke for us all.

"A spare crown? All along a spare crown? All along?" Maurice seemed surprised,

"Yeah. For emergencies. What kind of fool king would only have one crown?" Surely if ever there's a fool king, it's Julien.

Marlene held her hand out to Rico, much as Skipper often does, and Rico obligingly coughed up a crowbar. Which reminded me I must check if he's feeling well. Then we watched as Marlene chased Julien out of the habitat. It really is like she's one of the team.


	8. Entry 7

It's as I suspected. Rico's got the flu. He developed a cough during the night and those of us on lower bunks suffered a rain of ball bearings. It frustrated Skipper's plans for the day until I suggested perhaps Marlene could fill in for him.

He seemed hesitant at first but it didn't really take long to convince him. I simply reminded him of her help over Julian's crown and he agreed to ask her.

Of course while the zoo remains open we'll have to cover for Rico as best we can ourselves. It's imperative Alice doesn't realise he's vulnerable right now. After what happened last time she caught him off guard… well none of us want to go through _that_ again. We really thought it'd be the end of him and I still can't help but blame myself for not anticipating her plan. I've sworn solemnly to Rico not to let her get her paws on him this time.

Thankfully, Private had hung onto the life-size plushy that travelled back from the toy factory with us. By taking turns with it throughout the day, we successfully created the illusion that there were the usual four of us. Of course, we also had to take turns checking on the _real_ Rico. Skipper took him some fish and made sure he ate it. Private managed to cheer him up as only Private can. And I took him his medicine. I think he appreciated my visits least but I truly only have his best interests at heart.

I suspect he's also a little put out to be left out of the evenings activities. However he knows what Skipper's like about our schedule… and he couldn't come out with us in his current condition. He needs his rest.

Marlene on the other hand seemed excited as a school girl about coming out with us. As Skipper ran through our itinerary… a simple scavenging mission… she was practically bouncing. For tonight's exercise he wanted us in two teams. Naturally, since she's a complete rookie, Skipper opted to have Marlene stick with him. And he also chose to take the easier assignment, entrusting Private and me to head outside the zoo for the more 'difficult' parts. In a sense I'm proud that he's confident enough in my abilities to let me do this… but I'd be lying if I didn't think it had more to do with his concern for Marlene.

After running through once more what was needed, we went our separate ways. Private seemed especially eager to make Skipper proud and I confess I wanted to prove his faith right. Actually the mission shouldn't have been at all difficult. We've been for these parts before… nothing fancy… an ultraviolet lamp, some dinitrotoluene, a cavity magnetron… but then I wondered whether we shouldn't get something to cheer Rico up. Private was keen to find him a present and I suppose I let my concern for him interfere with my leadership.

Private suggested he might appreciate some candy… after all he is excessively fond of chocolate buttons… and he suggested perhaps if we were going to a sweet shop, we could pick up a few other supplies. This seemed very sensible at the time… it's well known that chocolate is soothing to a sore throat… and we headed off to a main street. However what I didn't appreciate at the time was the differing level of security the people put on, for example, nitroglycerin and gummy fish.

To be fair, Private and I were somewhat… preoccupied in the shop… it seemed like everything we wanted was on the very top shelf… but who would have expected vicious guard dogs in an ordinary high street shop? It was lucky for us we _were_ half way up the shelves or we might not have evaded their clutches in the first place. But I was momentarily at a loss for what to do to escape. The only way out was back the way we'd come… and the dogs were clearly not intending letting us past. Poor Private was terrified and naturally turned to me to lead him out. I racked my brains as to what Skipper would do. The first thing would be to ask me for options. That didn't exactly help me at present as I was _already_ trying to think of options. Skipper, of course, wouldn't have hesitated in taking on both dogs himself. Analysing their solid jaws, long canines, and foaming mouths, I decided not to risk it.

Then I remembered the dog we'd faced down over christmas. The whole team was there of course but the principle was the same. Rico had given covering fire while we made a break for it. I could do the same for Private.

"Private. On my mark, make for the exit. Ready?" He looked at me in confusion so I repeated myself in as firm a voice as I could manage. "Ready?" He nodded and I moved between two large jars.

"And…" I eased them towards the edge of the shelf 'til I felt them tip away, "Go!" From the corner of my eye I saw him swing down and land on his belly. I kept my concentration on the hounds below who had dodged back from my initial projectiles and were now glowering up at me. They hadn't backed away as far as I needed to risk my own descent but at least it had kept their attention off Private's escape. Glancing along the shelf I notice the shop also sold fizzy drinks. I rapidly scanned the jars beside me looking for the one thing I really needed. A large jar of sherbet was half hidden between some bonbons and flying saucers. The dogs were beginning to get frustrated, prowling beneath me and as I began edging a bottle of cola along the shelf they started to jump upwards. It didn't help my concentration as I carefully pulled off the lids but, closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and focused on the task at hand. It'd have been so much easier if Rico were here. But then if Rico were here, I wouldn't be here… if that made sense.

With great speed I poured a quantity of fizzy drink in with the sherbet and rammed the lid firmly back. It began to fizz alarmingly and I shook it from side to side as I edged the jar to the edge of the shelf. As the lid began to stretch upwards I gave it a last push over the edge and slid to the far end of the shelf.

I was halfway through the air to the door as the jar exploded behind me in a fountain of acidic sweetness. There were yelps from the dogs but I didn't look back and rushed straight out, nearly knocking Private down.

"Kowalski!"

"No time," I exclaimed before we hurried off back towards the zoo. We didn't slow down until we'd scaled the wall safely back into our own territory. Marlene and Skipper weren't back yet for while I was extremely grateful. I still had a sticky mess of sherbet and dried cola in my tail feathers and the last thing I wanted to have to explain was where I'd got them from. However, after cleaning myself up, and delivering Rico his chocloate buttons, I felt good about the evening's mission… even though Private and I had left our own candy behind. Private was relating to Rico how I'd taken on the dogs and I was pleased to see him feeling more like himself, chuckling at the improvised explosive.

In fact we were all feeling pretty good when Skipper actually did return. I think he was annoyed to see we were all apparently enjoying ourselves but he cheered up on seeing Rico was better.

Part of me was hoping for some praise for a mission well done… after all Skipper didn't know about the slight mishap… but he was business as usual, which I guess isn't surprising. However I was surpised by a sharp poke as I settled into my bunk. Rico had put his head round and was holding something out to me. He grinned as I took it and disappeared out of sight. Looking at my flipper I found I was holding the last of his chocolate buttons.


	9. Entry 8

I've been watching Marlene and Skipper for weeks now and it's clear there's something there. Could it be love? At times I think so but then I remember my previous experiences with 'love' and I'm not so sure.

First there was Doris… beautiful, elegant, completely out of my league but oh! How I wanted her to like me! If she'd only smiled at me or something! It was utterly gut-wrenching to realise she didn't even recognise my existence. I think I'd have preferred it if she'd hated me… at least then I'd have been worth noticing.

Which leads me to my second love… ferocious, deadly and ultimately doomed. Officer X's vehicle was like a promise of self respect. I could imagine myself with that car drawing looks from all who saw us. Being noticed… admired even…

The way I see Marlene look at Skipper. She always notices him. Even when we're on a mission and don't stop or anything… I see her watch him.

And I know Skipper thinks about Marlene. He clearly thinks she's something special. Why else would he agree to her joining the team that day Rico was ill?

Love – a chemical reaction in the brain inducing bliss. If it's a chemical reaction then it stands to reason I should be able to isolate it's components. If I can do that… I could find my ideal partner. Someone who'd think _I_ was special… even if I'm not.

I've caused nothing but trouble for the team recently. Just trying to fix the heating nearly resulted in the whole zoo going sky high. I think I might have died of shame when Skipper had to recruit the _lemurs_ to put things right. Then I was completely out of my depth when Skipper was taken over by some kind of groove bug. I should have been able to find an antidote… even if we'd have struggled administering it to Skipper… I couldn't even find an explanation.

And I shudder to remember how badly I let Skipper down when he broke his wing. "Never swim alone". That's our credo. I should have tried harder to restore Skipper… or at least trusted him when he said so. Not tackle him off a roof and end up breaking every team members' wing.

I've tried to restore myself in the team's eyes. I volunteered to assess the grey blob in the zoo… but then I shamefully hid behind Skipper when the Stingers appeared. Even my effort to scientifically create a way to neutralise their effects ended disastrously. Skipper's since classified all reference to Julien's feet.

But all that pales into insignificance besides my most recent and humiliating mistake. I believed… and led others to believe… that Skipper was a girl. How he could ever forgive me I don't know. Perhaps he never will.

I could continue my list of mistakes and errors in judgement but the bottom line is, I can't trust my own deductions. Especially with matters of a romantic nature. No wonder Skipper wanted Private's advice rather than mine with the chimps. Even Rico has a better grasp of love than I have.

But… if it _is_ a chemical reaction, then it **is** scientific. Science doesn't rely on guesswork and intuition. A squared equals B squared plus C squared. If I can prove I can still utilise scientific principles then I'm not completely useless. My inability to understand emotions… and feelings… will be compensated.

And maybe the machine will even show I'm not completely hopeless and that I have correctly identified the cause behind Skipper and Marlene's interaction.

***

Skipper agreed to try the machine on Marlene. Perhaps as a show of pity for me after my recent failures. However it looked like this would be just such another failure. My heart sank when I saw the indicator say her perfect match was outside the zoo. But then I remembered… this machine is based on solid scientific principles. My belief that Skipper was the object of her desires was based on my own intuition alone and therefore was fatally flawed.

I'd have felt bad for Skipper if I'd had any evidence… apart from my own instinct… that he truly liked Marlene. Happily it seems I was wrong on both counts. Surely if he'd had feelings for her he'd have shown signs of heartbreak rather than leading the mission to find her intended? And science has now shown where her heart lies.

Strangely, it seems she's destined to find love with Fred the squirrel. I must confess I felt my confidence ebb when faced with the somewhat… slow mammal. However, as Private astutely pointed out, 'Opposites Attract'. And he's a penguin who understands emotions.

However, the whole experiment was nearly ruined by Marlene's somewhat stubborn nature. I had to beg her to give him a chance. Obviously I couldn't explain fully that my entire reputation hangs on this experiment but I pleaded sufficiently for her to agree. It helped that I developed a strange sniffle and my eyes welled up… coincidently as I was considering the possibility of another failure… and she may have assumed I was going to break down in some distinctly un-manly way.

No matter how she was convinced, it quickly became clear that despite all outward appearances and expectations, Fred and Marlene actually did hit it off. She even said he was 'cute'.

When we left the love birds alone, I seriously believed my reputation was saved. The machine works. I can still rely on science! Typically though, as I went to check up on the progress (as Skipper had been instructing us to do regularly) I found the insufferable lemurs had disturbed everything! Their 'king' had stolen Marlene's boyfriend.

There was a benefit to their interference that I quickly realised though. Now Marlene had come to us, we were getting first hand reports of how her date was going. First point – she called him her boyfriend. Second point – she'd given him a cute nickname… though strangely Skipper didn't seem to approve. Probably because he's always allocated us names as a reward for service. And thirdly – we'd get to witness their touching reunion after a traumatic separation.

And in the end that was all we were required for… witnesses. As an unexpected bonus we also saw first hand that there is somebody worse with women than me… King Julien. Even _I_ know not to use the word 'unflattering' to a female.

So it's all ended happily. Marlene's reunited with her true love… and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can totally rely on science to solve any problem I might face.

***

I am handing in my resignation. The experiment was a total failure! Marlene hates Fred! But it was scientifically proven! If I don't have science… I don't have any value to this team… they'd be better off without me. I'm going to tell Skipper as soon as I can bring myself to face anyone ever again.


End file.
